I-Cant-Even-Deal-Right-Now Dessert

Alternate titles of this post include:

If You Cancel My Flight One More Time, I Swear To God Ill Eat a King-Size Snickers Bar and Youll Be Sorry (but will you?)

Only A Milkshake Can Fix This

Get That Salad Out Of My Face, Please

I Need A Hug.. no wait I Need French Fries

Seriously. Stop Hugging Me and Please Bring Me Fries (and a King-Size Snickers Bar)

Im Eating My Feelings, and My Feelings Are Granola?

This Is What It Looks Like to Not Eat The King-Size Snickers Bar (and remain sane)

and

Im Being Dramatic

Im happy to do my part, airline people. Ill smash too many close into too small a carry-on suitcase. Ill package together tiny shampoos and a tiny toothbrush into a clear plastic bag so that God and everyone can snoop at my hygiene regime. Ill let you dust my hands for whatever explosive thing it is you think I touched. Ill let you charge me $4.00 for water, as long as you let me stand at your kiosk and read Vogue cover-to-cover for free. Ill stand in your lines of angry people. Ill shove my suitcase in the space that is not enough space for my suitcase. Ill let you show me that seatbelt demonstration, and that vest thing, and mask ordeal. Ill even pretend to ignore the dude thats sitting in the window seat Ill pretend to ignore him as hard as hes pretending to ignore me.

Ill totally do my part.

Your part is to make the plane go into the air, at a high speed! , in the direction it needs to go. If you dont do that. If you make me sit on the plane and pretend to ignore the dude in the window seat, only to tell me two hours later that I need to get off the plane because the flight is cancelled.. thats you not doing your part.

If youre not going to do your part, the very least you can do is a) apologize, b) admit that you totally suck, and c) buy me a milkshake and french fries so that I can angry-eat my feelings.

Right?

The thing is if you know youre about to angry-eat your feelings, you should totally NOT angry-eat your feelings.

In this particular case, I wanted nothing more than a milkshake and french fries, and a cheeseburger, and pizza, and brownies slathered in peanut butter. Instead I made better choices: tart non-fat frozen yogurt, granola with toasted coconut and goji berries, and a yummy dose of maple syrup. Good food feels good. None of it will make your flight fly. Thats real. But (this is what I told myself), you might as well eat something that will satisfy your angry-eating but not lead to angry-eating guilt.

Other things you might consider: I-Cant-Even-Deal-Right-Now Lunch orChocolate. Whatever.

I-Cant-Even-Deal-Right-Now Dessert

Youll Need:

tart non-fat frozen yogurt

a handful of granola (two hands full, really)

3 tablespoons maple syrup.

Scoop ice cream Sprinkle granola. Drizzle maple syrup. Go!